Hurt for 20 years

I have been the backbone (and crutch) for my husband for 20 years and stayed by his side as he went through recovery many times.  He is an alcoholic.  Although many times I wanted to believe that I have trusted him, I never have completely.  He was arrested last weekend for DUI and I believe it really is time for us to separate.  I don't know what to do next.  He has never been physically abusive, just verbally when he drinks.

This is a chronic disease and relapse is definitely part of it. I broke the trust and faith of all my loved ones and it has taken years of sobriety to get that back and somewhere deep down they still wonder what I'm up to if I don't call or can't make it when I am supposed to. There is a great chapter in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous titled "To Wives". Check that out and see if if offers solace. Another program where you will find great support is Alanon and I know it seems backwards that you should go to meetings when your husband is the one with the problem but it will help assuage your guilt and anger. Take care of yourself and remember that you are not alone. This path has been walked by many before you and they are out there waiting to help you. 

...I went through years of therapy due to an emotionally and physically father, and an emotionally abusive husband.  Through therapy, I learned my first priority is me.  It took me years to learn I didn't cause it, I couldn't control it, and I couldn't cure it.  All I can do is take care of me.  I hope you can do the same.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.