Bipolar and major depression

I was diagnosed back in the 1980's as being manic depressive (now called bipolar) and have been battling this demon since way before then. I have many times more major depressive episodes than manic. My psychiatrist has had me on every med in the book but they j just don''t work (or if they do work, it's only for a short period of time) and I crash. I take 15 mg of mirtzazpine, 300 mg of imipramine, 400 mg of trazodone, and 3 mg of clonazepam right now all subject to change at my next psych appointment (tomorrow). When I crash, it's not only emotionally but physically painful. I wish I could go to sleep (have major insomnia) and never wake up but am only slightly likely to end things by my own hand. When I go through this, I really need someone who also suffers from this and understands where I'm coming from to talk to. Unfortunately, I don't know anyone like that. My family (I'm a widow for 9 years) tries their best to understand but they just don't get it. Then they get frustrated with me because I don't straighten myself up. It all just sucks. I've been diagnosed as being 100% disabled because of this and draw Social Security Disability Income and benefits from this. What I wouldn't give to just be normal.

I was diagnosed back in the 1980's as being manic depressive (now called bipolar) and have been battling this demon since way before then. I have many times more major depressive episodes than manic. My psychiatrist has had me on every med in the book but they j just don''t work (or if they do work, it's only for a short period of time) and I crash. I take 15 mg of mirtzazpine, 300 mg of imipramine, 400 mg of trazodone, and 3 mg of clonazepam right now all subject to change at my next psych appointment (tomorrow). When I crash, it's not only emotionally but physically painful. I wish I could go to sleep (have major insomnia) and never wake up but am only slightly likely to end things by my own hand. When I go through this, I really need someone who also suffers from this and understands where I'm coming from to talk to. Unfortunately, I don't know anyone like that. My family (I'm a widow for 9 years) tries their best to understand but they just don't get it. Then they get frustrated with me because I don't straighten myself up. It all just sucks. I've been diagnosed as being 100% disabled because of this and draw Social Security Disability Income and benefits from this. What I wouldn't give to just be normal.

Hello...I too have bipolar disorder with major depression. Of course there were many other diagnoses before this one as it's not an exact science. I was first diagnosed with post partum depression in my 20's(now you know that I am a female), next diagnosis:major depression in my 30's and finally bipolar disorder in my late 40's...when given this last diagnosis it was as if a light turned on and I immediately knew that it was the correct one, all my life experiencesfinally made sense for the first time! moving so much, job changes, relationship breakups etc. Most medications i only took for a while then had side effects...to hyper, too depressed, too sleepy....the list goes on. It just means that I am sensitive to their effects and have to take minimal doses of each. I am a retired health professional who has cared for people with mental health issues, have many family members that have a mental illness diagnosis and am on disability for depression. What I am trying to say is that there are many people with our disorder who choose just like you do to take life "one mood swing" at a time and find ways to manage our disorder in a healthy way. I attend a local NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) support group,.have lobbied for better mental health care in our state, and do volunteer work weekly, ( nothing too taxing) and continue to educate myself on mental health issues. I've long since accepted the fact that all of my family can or wants tounderstand mental illness issues and have tried to respect their limits. In "getting out" I have found people who are supportive, encouraging and active in mental health issues andother life issues/styles as well. I do hope you will explore support groups, etc in your area . I wouldn't have chosen this particular disorder to have but it has brought some interesting and rewarding experiences. I've learned to know myself better, care for myselfbetter and enjoy life as it comes. Take care!

hi caytee & deatheyes,cisco kid here--caytee you have alot of good experiences to share thank you for posting them, we have much in common,I too have been incorrectly diagonosed for many,many yrs. Everyone just thought I was a juvenile deliquent,etc,etc,even after my 1st suicide attempt at the tender age of 13. But I know today beyond a shadow of a doubt that God had his hand on me till I found the right Drs that could finally help me after more then 30+years of almost pure hell. It is certainly hard to get the right diagnosis for this diorder,but the good news is it is improving,as well as the new drugs,treatments & support groups out here. By all rights I should not be here today,after 2 suicide attempts & a life threatening fall from a 30 ft window during a manic episode in 2000-thank God I only broke my back instead of losing my life. (I certainly didn't have this additude at the time) Today I have a whole different attitude and out look on life, LIFE IS WORTH LIVING TODAY!!!NEVER NEVER GIVE UP! HANG ON DEATHEYES HELP & HOPE IS OUT HERE! Anyone who may care to, please email me at joycecisco@hotmail.com

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