ruiniing my life!!!

i hate being sad. i used to hang out with friends and family all the time and even tho i was considered depressed i was happy. i had some off days but thats when it ment the most to have my friends and family. i have always been told that i am to generous and i need to do something for myself because go out of my way to help other people. well i love to help others and it made me feel good. in the last year and ahalf i have totally flipped around from being fun and outgoing to sitting alone and ignoring everyone except my boyfriend. now he has broke up with me and i dont have a job. i done so many things that i never wanted to do and i am ashamed. i live with him an hour away from my hometown where all of my friends and family are. i want to go back but i dont want to give up on him. going to visit makes me sad. i dont know if i can handle leaving him. we have been thro so much and i know things could get better but i need him to know that to. my parents are dissapointed, sad, and worried about me. they want me to come home and so does all my other family friends. but i just cant bring myself to make that step. i dont know why. i want to but i want to stay here to. i have tried so many times to make that step. Lord give me strength!!!