With the incidence of cancer on the rise, it's quite likely you know someone who has some form of this disease. As a friend, you want to help, but some of us are not sure how best to navigate this emotional situation. If you fear doing or saying the wrong thing, you're not alone.
Here are a few tips from experts and cancer survivors about how to support a friend who has cancer.
Listen and be respectful. Let your friend talk when she wants to talk, and don't push when she doesn't talk. Only give advice when asked. Don't share other people's cancer horror stories, and respect her decisions about treatments, even if you believe you'd make different decision.
Allow for a wide range of emotions. When someone has cancer, he generally experiences a wide range of emotions. He may feel sad, shocked, angry, guilty, fearful, lonely, and isolated, and these feelings can change from day to day. All of these responses are normal.
Become educated. Learn as much as you can about your friend's cancer so you can better understand what she is going through. Ask your friend if she'd like you to accompany her to the doctor to take notes or provide a second set of ears. Patients often miss important details when they are upset.
Make plans. Having something to look forward to can be uplifting for patients with serious illnesses. Be flexible, however; when the time comes, he may not be up to it. Reschedule or find a less taxing activity.
Provide practical help. Instead of asking, "what can I do to help?" offer tangible examples of how you can provide assistance. Patients often need and appreciate when others can:
- Bring meals
- Take them to and from doctor appointments or treatment sessions
- Babysit
- Run errands, such as picking up prescriptions
- Clean house, mow the lawn, or do other necessary chores
Keep in touch. Call regularly, stop by, or send a card just to let her know you are thinking of her. Many patients experience a flurry of activity and attention from friends and loved ones right after they are diagnosed, but as treatment continues, it wanes. She still needs your support.
Sources:
"Helping Someone With Cancer." Medical News Today. Web. 1 October 2010. http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/203263.php
National Cancer Institute. "Coping with Cancer: For Caregivers, Family, and Friends." Web. http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/coping/familyfriends
Cancer Care. "What Can I Say to a Newly Diagnosed Loved One?" Web. 2008.
http://www.cancercare.org/reading_room/fact_sheets/fs_loved_one.php
Wallis, Claudia. "How to Talk to a Friend With Cancer ." Time. Web. 5 October 2007. http://www.time.com/time/specials/2007/article/0,28804,1666089_1666563_1667824,00.html#ixzz137HKnVpW
Cancer.net. "Supporting a Friend Who Has Cancer." Cancer.net. Web. 17 August 2009.
http://www.cancer.net/patient/All+About+Cancer/Cancer.Net+Feature+Articles/Family,+Friends,+and+Caregivers/Supporting+a+Friend+Who+Has+Cancer
Berkeley Parents Network. "Supporting Friends and Family with Cancer." Web. 10 June 2009.
http://parents.berkeley.edu/advice/parents/cancersupport.html
