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Husband severely depressed

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Is anyone dealing with a severely depressed mate? My husband (58) has lost his job. He has had so many downsizings and job losses over the past 15 years, and this one has completely devastated him. He is not responding to medication and is non functioning at home. Long story, but we had finally had some hope for the future and were starting to get our relationship back after years of problems. Now, when I should be able to look forward to retirement, I am so down, as I have to carry on and take care of him and all I want to do is have someone take care of me for a change. Money issues, having to pay through Cobra, dipping into savings, and watching him disintegrate before me is more than I can stand. He looks so bad, won't eat, and unfortunately, I am not being a good support for him since I am mentally wiped out from years of this myself. How does one cope and is there anyone out there going through living with serious depression? Any advice or support would be wonderful. I am feeling so alone as I cannot tell anyone in the family since no one believes in mental illness.

Re: Husband severely depressed

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I am diagnosed with bi-polar, which is ups and downds. I feel for you I know I have put my husband through hell. I have been this way on and off for 13 years. My medication is working pretty well right now. I have found that they have had to make adjustments to my meds. that has helped. I was just put on an antianxiety pill(to many things at once in the family going on)This seems to be helping. I did go back to work after being off for 3 years. I am a hairdresser, but couldn't go back to that. My hands sometimes shake from the meds. I am in Home Health Care. I love taking care of the elderly.

Re: Husband severely depressed

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I understand what you are going thru. My husband was isagnosed as bipolar almost 6 years ago. So far in the past 2 months, he has only been out of bed 6 days. He is on meds, but they do not seem to be working and since he does not have insurance, the doctor does not know what else to do. We have applied for disability and have been waiting 1 1/2 years to see if now he will be approved. He was once a high paid professional and lost that job due to the illness. He has had 3 others, but also lost them. I am the one fully responsible for my house and my family. Sometimes, i feel like I have another child here instead of a husband. Everyone says we have to be supportive, but this is very hard. I have yelled and screamed and it does no good. Just hang in there. I am trying to... This is not what I wanted at 32 years old, but I do love him. You can do it..........I believe that.

Re: Husband severely depressed

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Trish J- I know exactly where you've been and where your're going. My husband is also severely depressed. He lost his kidneys 5 years ago from being diabetic and having high blood pressure that went for years untreated. Needless to say, after a heart cath, he lost both kidneys and went on hemo-dialysis 3 times a week. That was pure torture!! But eventually we saw light at the end of the tunnel, or so I thought. In 2004 we started testing to be put on the kidney donor list. The first meeting the RN asked if anyone here would like to be tested---I said yes. Lo and behold, I was an almost perfect match!! I thought this was the answer to our many prayers. After all the tests Jack developed antigens in his blood, that meant driving 3-4 hrs every 2 wks for a chemo-like IV treatment that lasts 10-12 hrs.Then he went to HD (dialysis) there, we then turned around came home and dialyzed at 0530 that same morning. I would come home sleep a few hours then be at work at 2 pm. That was OK, but now my husband is more depressed than ever!! He seems to be waiting to die, I just can't figure him out. I too was looking forward to retirement but we have lost every asset we have ever had. The only advice I can give to you is take it one day at a time. Everyday get up get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other. Sometimes it will be the hardest thing you'll ever do. You sound to me like a person who is where I'm at. If I can EVER do anything for you, please let me know. I don't know about your religious beliefs, but I know prayer works and that miracles happen.

Re: Husband severely depressed

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Hey There, First, I know where you are. After my divorce, I lost my home and some of my children. I started to get things back together only to have them completely come apart again. But I know now the warnings signs were there. It sounds funny but I was living on borrowed time in that life. All I can say is... it is time to live your dreams. If the world was perfect and all your chances ahead of you what would you want for yourself. To live in the country? Live on a small piece of property next to a lake, feed the ducks and just be able to sit back and sip a cup of coffee? What is your dream? What is your husbands? The blame game does not work. He did nothing wrong. You did nothing wrong. Stop wallowing in the mire of a bad situation. It is time to live outside the collapsing box that you find yourself in and move to a better one. Sell what you cannot keep. Pair down to the necessities. And realize that this is your chance for a life change. And make it a good one.!!!!!!! I wish you the happiness that the angels around you are trying to help you find. Miki Mullins

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