Parents are often concerned when their children lie. And while it is important to teach children the value of truthfulness, it is perhaps equally imperative to remember that lying among young children is normal. Parents need to be no more concerned about lying than they would be about any other behavior that they want to discourage children from committing.

Among pre-school aged children, lies generally fall into one of two types. Tall tales, the stories that children make up are often an expression of things that the child wishes were true or possible. Children in this age group have very active imaginations and are still learning to tell the difference between what is imagined and what is real.  A child who claims to have flown over a building like Superman is most likely expressing a wish to be able to fly like Superman. 

Parents may choose to simply listen to children's stories without addressing the lie and not draw attention to the behavior so encouragement will not cause it to continue. It is likely that children will stop telling these kinds of lies on their own. Alternatively, parents can inject reality into the narrative along with the child. For example, a parent might respond to the Superman comment by saying, "You wish you could fly like Superman—don't you?"

Another reason that pre-school aged children lie is to obtain a desired result. This usually means to avoid punishment or to get something they want. These reasons are often the same reasons that adults lie. Children in this age group are often not yet capable of understanding moral judgments. They think that it is OK to lie if they get what they want. For lies of this type, parents should explain to children that it is wrong to lie and why it is important to tell the truth.  Being consistent in this explanation is key to avoid problems with lying in the future.

Tips to assist parents:

  • Reality test tall tales by asking for an explanation.
  • Ignore the behavior you do not want to reinforce and pay attention and praise your child for truthfulness.
  • Model truthfulness consistently. 
  • Do not lie to or in front of your children. When you lie as a parent you are essentially teaching your child that lying is a satisfactory behavior.
  • Parents should make a strong effort to set a good example by being truthful in the presence of all children.