If you're suspicious that your partner has broken your trust, it can be a heavy burden to carry around. After all, trust is what your entire relationship is built on. Without it, you may well wonder what the two of you have.
"The two biggest things people hide from a partner are definitely an affair or money problems," says Stacy Kaiser, MA, MFT, author of How to Be a Grownup. "With an affair, he doesn't want to disappoint and upset you. With financial problems, a man is embarrassed. His manhood is at stake. And he doesn't want to you to find out because he believes you wouldn't love him anymore."
There are certain red flags that may hint that something's going on. But since they also could mean nothing, don't automatically assume the worst. If you are wondering if your significant other is hiding something from you, be vigilant.
"Everyone I know who has ever caught their partner doing something dishonest doesn't look back and say they are certain they hadn't overlooked anything," Kaiser says. "They say there were always yellow and red flags that they didn't want to look at."
Be watchful if:
1. Excessive admiration. He starts being extra nice to you, says Judy Kuriansky, Ph.D., author of "The Complete Idiot's Guide to a Healthy Relationship." "Sometimes men who are planning to have an affair or are having one do this to assuage any suspicions," she says.
2. Spontaneous vanity. Beware if he starts paying a lot more attention to his appearance, buying new clothes, losing 20 pounds and getting a haircut, Kaiser says. "When he is taking extra time with himself that he would not ordinarily have taken, it may mean something," Kaiser says.
3. Lacking intimacy. If he doesn't want to have sex as often, or call you as often if you don't live together, he may be having sex with or calling someone else.
4. Unbalanced accounts. If he's got bank accounts you don't have access to, this may be cause for suspicion.
5. Wondering where he is? If you often don't know his whereabouts, that may be reason to wonder what he is up to. "And if he is hanging out with people whom you haven't met, this could mean something," Kaiser says.
6. Second cell. If he has a second cell phone that you don't have the number for, this is suspicious.
7. Pop-up privacy. If he starts to suddenly guard his privacy and not want you to be anywhere near his computer, this also is a yellow flag.
8. Unknown names. If he frequently mentions names that you've never heard of. This could be suspicious. "Or if a name slips into the conversation now and then that you haven't heard of, this is something to consider," Kuriansky says.
9. Confidential computer time. If the person spends an increasing amount of time on the computer with the door closed, there's a chance he's up to something he is trying to keep from you.
10. Subtle changes. If you notice something subtly different about your partner, you may want to ask questions. "You don't have to be in attack mode," Kuriansky says. "Be calm as you try to figure out what's going on. Maybe there really is something he's trying to hide, in which case being an ostrich is not going to help."
