If you and your partner often tend to take each other for granted (which given the pace of most people's lives, is very easy to do), chances are that you both feel underappreciated from time to time. But it's not hard to show your tender side, and you don't have to spend a lot of time and money to do so. Very often, a bit of tenderness is really all that's needed to make you feel closer to each other.
"Bringing a little tenderness back into the relationship can help you feel more connected to each other and even have less conflict," says Stacy Kaiser, author of "How to be a Grownup." "There are a lot of small things that you can do to show your tenderness without being highly emotional."
Building simple acts of tenderness into your routine can do wonders for your relationship, says Carole Lieberman, MD, author of "Bad Girls: Why Men Love Them & How Good Girls Can Learn Their Secrets." "They allow your partner to feel
nurtured and relaxed," she says. "This, in turn, makes him feel less vulnerable and allows him to quietly fall deeper in love with you."
Here are 10 ways to be more tender to your partner. Chances are that once you make the effort, your partner will do the same.
1. Be sure to look into your partner's eyes when you are talking to him. "Your partner will know you really care about how he feels," says Lieberman.
2. Write notes. Hide an affectionate note in your partner's toiletry bag when he goes on a trip without you. "Or just put a note into a cabinet or drawer so they will see it," says Kaiser.
3. Play hookie from work together once in awhile to defuse the daily stress with some fun, Lieberman says. "And make a candlelight dinner together," she suggests.
4. Do your partner's chores once in awhile, without being asked, Kaiser says. "If they are always the one who does the dishes, or takes out the trash, volunteer to do that for them," she says. "They may do the same for you then."
5. Give your partner a very gentle massage after he has had a tough day, Lieberman recommends.
6. Put your partner first and be there in the moment, Lieberman says. That means: Don't answer your cell phone during dinner, during an important conversation with your partner, or when you're being intimate. And remember, no exceptions!
7. Offer three compliments at the same time, says Kaiser. Start off by saying, "I was thinking about you today, and how lucky I am to have you as my husband and partner." Then list a few of his qualities that you really like.
8. Spice things up a little. Before your partner arrives home from work, light candles all over the house to set the mood and switch off all the electric lights. "It changes the mood of the house completely," Kaiser says.
9. Surprise your partner with an unexpected gift, even when it's not a special occasion. "It's just to remind him that you love him," Lieberman says.
10. Place photos of your partner around the house and at your office, Lieberman says.
Carole Lieberman, MD reviewed this article.
