10 Ways to Recapture Your Sex Appeal
If you're feeling a definite lack of sparkle and sizzle in your love life, it may just be all in your head. You can look glowing, desirable, self-confident and utterly sexy again, but it has to start with you.
"The most powerful sex tool we have is our brain," says Lisa Rene Reynolds, Ph.D., a marriage and family therapist. "Feeling sexy has to do with your mindset."
Want to feel sexy again? Here are the top 10 tips, from Reynolds, Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., a relationship therapist and research professor at the University of Michigan, and Lauren Mackler, MA, author of "Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life."
1. Cut down on sugar and simple carbohydrates, since they sap your energy level. "And this affects your sexual desire," Orbuch says. While you're thinking lifestyle changes, also be sure to eat well, get enough sleep and get some exercise.
2. Practice self affirmation. Write down all the things you like about your body, focusing on its positive aspects. "Remember, it's often not the cellulite that you have on your body that makes you not feel sexy," Orbuch says. "It can be that you have these ideas about your body that are not even accurate."
3. Dress up. Put on a sexy little black dress and some good smelling body lotion after your shower. Spend a little time applying makeup. "Putting on the touches on the outside can really help connect you to the inner sexy person," Mackler says.
4. Sign up for a class in something that will help you show off your softer, sexier, more feminine side. This could be belly dancing, salsa, or another type of dancing.
5. Get out of your worn old sweats. "It's hard to feel sexy when you are wearing torn up old jogging pants and you have stringy hair," Mackler says.
6. Read a romantic novel or see a romantic movie. You'll be surprised by how sexy it makes you feel.
7. If you are in a relationship, try something new to make your partner respond in a different way. One of Reynolds' clients curled up on her husband's lap when he got home from work and said how much she had missed him that day. After the initial surprise, he hugged her back. "She felt immediately sexier, just knowing she had the power to make this guy feel good," Reynolds says. Other new things to try: enroll in a wine appreciation class, talk about your sexual fantasies, which can also increase your feelings of sexiness, buy a sex toy together, or play a romantic board game.
8. Pay attention to smell. "It's so important for desire and for attraction," Orbuch says. When someone smells nice, it's natural to find them attractive. Try candles, incense, perfume and body lotion. And remember to pay attention to the scent. Eucalyptus and lavender are especially nice since they tend to be relaxing.
9. Limit stressors. Stress can kill off feelings of sexiness, so work consciously to avoid it in your life. Keep a stress journal for a couple of weeks to see what makes you feel the most stressed. Then find a stress reduction technique that works well for you. It could be meditation. Or it could just be adjusting your work schedule so you can drive to wor k when it's not rush hour. If a long commute is adding to your stress level, this can go a long way toward making you feel less anxious.
10. Flirt. Call up your high school self and turn up the flirtiness. Just the simple act can make you feel desirable and sexy.
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