For any couple, compromise is vital to maintaining a healthy relationship. Individuals who are committed to each other give and take in a way that is balanced and fair. Compromising becomes difficult, however, when it seems to infringe on who the individual is. She may not want to give up her weekly night out with the girls, just as he may not want to give up the poker game he's been attending since before you met. Although these instances seem innocent enough, in certain circumstances a night out drinking with friends, a poker game, or a cigarette here and there can turn into points of serious disagreement. Here, some common goings on that can be burdensome to your relationship.
Smoking
Your partner has been smoking since high school and before your relationship became serious, it was a non-issue. Now that you're around each other more so than ever, his or her smoking has become problematic. You can't stand the smell and you worry about their health. The difficult part is that they don't want to quit. So, how do you address an aspect of your partner's life that has been there before you and shows no signs of slowing?
Tip: Be honest with yourself as well as your partner. Quitting smoking is no easy task. With it comes headaches, cravings, mood swings, and insomnia to name a few. Voice your opinions, but also consider his or her feelings in the matter. Remember, your partner cares about you as much as you care about him or her.
Drinking
Few would argue that having a drink or two with friends is an issue. But when your husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend comes home stumbling and nonsensical, there may be a problem. The difficulty here is that he or she doesn't believe that there's a problem, or they play the "fun" card saying things like, "I wasn't doing anything wrong. I was just having fun."
Tip: Before making the accusation that your partner has a drinking problem, keep in mind that hearing something to that magnitude can be tough to handle. How you address the drinking issue-whether he or she came home highly intoxicated once or on a weekly basis-is crucial. Don't be accusatory. Try not to use language that starts with "You do [this] and [that]." Statements such as these invite defensive responses. Use "I" statements, like: "I feel like [this] when you do [that]." This way it demonstrates your feelings rather than putting on display his or her shortcomings.
Junk Food
Despite your full proof hypothesis, single people do not diet and exercise to gain a partner only "to let themselves go" at the one year mark. The truth is that a combination between being comfortable with the person you're with coupled with the juggernaut of poor diet and a sedentary lifestyle is what makes you gain weight. Most women don't starve themselves to make heads turn, and most men don't spend two-hours a day at the gym to woo women with their biceps. Weight changes in relationships happen imperceptibly and without intent. But you say to yourself, "The first five pounds were fine. The second five was OK. But 20 pounds is just unhealthy." What do you do?
Tip: Telling someone they have gained weight-male or female-is not exciting to hear. Your partner was comfortable with the way things were going and all of the sudden he or she is self conscious. Weight gain is a delicate topic and one that needs to be handled with care. Make subtle changes in BOTH your lives. Sign up for a gym, or go for walks together. When you dine out choose restaurants with healthy options, not the fat-laden, carb-loaded eateries you may be used to. If your partner's weight gain becomes a health issue, then you may want to be more blunt with your feelings.
Gambling
With the World Series of Poker recording all time highs in sponsorship and participants along with gaming becoming glorified in movies such as Rounders, Ocean's 13, and Casino, it's no wonder why men and women alike are taking part in local and casino gambling at all time highs. Whether you're playing cards once a week for $20 or putting triple digits on the big game, gambling is becoming a bigger part of more people's lives.
Tip: Like any issue you bring up concerning your loved one, you need to assess yourself first. What are your reasons for taking issue with this? Is his or her gambling innocent? Is it coming at the expense of quality time together? Or worse yet, is gambling becoming a real monetary issue? Answer these questions honestly. If you find that the seriousness of your partner's gambling cannot be avoided, then address the problem head on before it takes a real toll on your relationship.
