The Benefits of Waiting Until After Marriage

Waiting until after the wedding to have sex—and being in a monogamous long-term relationship—has definite benefits. One is that your risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease is lower than if you had many partners. Another is, not having to worry about an unwanted pregnancy. Need another compelling reason to hold off?

"Women who wait until after marriage often have a better sex life," says psychotherapist Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, who specializes in intimacy and relationships. "They come to the table knowing what pleasures them and what they want." They have a better sense of self, she says, and this confidence tells their significant other that "this is someone who enjoys their partner and enjoys sex," Rapini explains. 

If you're wondering if waiting is worth it, consider the following:

1. Women who avoid premarital sex have more of an inner strength and they aren't as susceptible to feeling like they are responsible for pleasing the other person. "Women who have sex before marriage may feel needy in that aspect of their life, and they will often succumb to what their partner wants," Rapini says. Women who delay intercourse until after the wedding tend to feel more on par with their mates sexually, she explains. They're more likely to feel like equals to their husbands in the bedroom, rather than feeling submissive.

2. Waiting lets a couple work more deeply on their relationship without the complication of sex, Rapini says. "If you have sex before marriage, the sex becomes the glue of the relationship and many times, things you don't like about that person may be pushed under the rug and ignored," Rapini says. "But when you wait, the sex becomes better and the connections that keep you together are stronger. And that's what you want in a healthy relationship."

3. When you wait to enjoy sexual intimacy, you and your partner have the opportunity to become more familiar with each other and "you have more information to go on," says Lauren Mackler, the author of  Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life.  "You need to take time with each other for the layers to unpeel," she says. Early on in a relationship, she says, it's typical for one's endorphins to kick in.  Sex becomes tremendously important: the central focus. "It's like being under the influence of a drug and that can skew the perception of the other person," Mackler says. "There is not enough time to build a foundation."

4. Everyone brings their "baggage" to a relationship, Mackler notes. "Everyone's history affects who they are in the world," she says. "It's important to get to know the other person first. But this is a process, and it requires time."