People most likely offer you sympathy when your long-term relationship ends.  Few know why or how the short-term ones hurt so much, too. 

Here, the top reasons why you might be feeling hurt when these briefer love connections fall apart:

  1. These relationships are often more intense and passionate.  Falling for someone so quickly can seem as though you're riding a roller-coaster.  You feel the mixed thrill of anticipation, speed and the unexpected.  You have high hopes, get that rush of hormones that trick you into feeling "chemistry," and you earnestly believe you've finally found The Right One.  But the higher you climb, the farther you have to fall.  The emotional crash from the break up can really hurt.

  2. Since you didn't have enough time to create a pitted past of arguments and long-standing, unresolved issues, you really experience the rejection deeply.  You feel cheated because the other person seemed to reject you before you had a chance to be "known" and valued.

  3. What makes recovery so painful is that finding someone who "feels" right is not easy, and when that special someone calls it quits, it seems that the number of Right One's has shrunk.  Since most of these intense relationships involve sex, you feel both physically and emotionally exposed.

How to Speed Your Recovery

1. Make sure you understand the following sentence(s):

"This person didn't really get to know me, so I have not necessarily been rejected for my true and whole self." 


"I might have seen this person as a good match, but this partner might not have seen me as a good one for them. But people often don't know their needs and issues."

In private, say these words out loud whenever you start being too hard on yourself.

3. Since it's possible that you could have contributed to this false impression, ask yourself these questions:

"If I could have a 'do-over,' what would I do differently? How might this person have gotten a wrong sense of me?" For instance, did you get drunk?  Get clingy, too sarcastic or remote?  Did you complain or criticize?

4. If you think there is still a chance with this person, you could say something like:

"I think you got a false impression of me," along with what may have given him or her that impression.


"I was going through some truly difficult times." You could mention briefly what it was that you were experiencing—without going into too much detail. 

5. If all else fails, get through your need for closure.  Unfinished business or being "misread" can gnaw away at you so much that you might be tempted to "try one more time" to explain things and re-connect.  Resist this urge. Better strategies are to keep a journal, confide in someone or seek therapy.  You can move on!